The “exercise-of-12” in our May newsletter—does it inspire? Post here, and others can share their work and offer feedback. Post at least 3 of your 12… or go for it: the whole.
Ok. The set-up: the protagonist, a trombone player, is saying goodbye to someone.
1 The “East Coast/New York” accent became a New York accent.
2 Flirting with the band members became flirting with the lead trumpet player. (A far more egregious offence!)
3 The Honda Civic became a rusted out Honda Civic, in which an amp and an electric piano fit, but just barely and [new] “not without a struggle”.
4 Jazz Messengers became “Sun Ra at the Glass Slipper”. A hipper reference.
5 Azaleas and rhododendrons were in full bloom (not just beginning to bloom).
6. The protagonist not only struggled for words but struggled to breathe. (And just now “struggled to catch his breath”).
7. He desperately needed a cigarette and [new] maybe more than one.
8. Instead of a voice in his head, the protagonist “... told himself, mocked himself.”
9. “Young people” became “teenagers”.
Ok. The set-up: the protagonist, a trombone player, is saying goodbye to someone.
1 The “East Coast/New York” accent became a New York accent.
2 Flirting with the band members became flirting with the lead trumpet player. (A far more egregious offence!)
3 The Honda Civic became a rusted out Honda Civic, in which an amp and an electric piano fit, but just barely and [new] “not without a struggle”.
4 Jazz Messengers became “Sun Ra at the Glass Slipper”. A hipper reference.
5 Azaleas and rhododendrons were in full bloom (not just beginning to bloom).
6. The protagonist not only struggled for words but struggled to breathe. (And just now “struggled to catch his breath”).
7. He desperately needed a cigarette and [new] maybe more than one.
8. Instead of a voice in his head, the protagonist “... told himself, mocked himself.”
9. “Young people” became “teenagers”.